🐕

Pet Poop Fraud

Your dog produces. You clean. Nobody pays you. The Court of Poop Fraud will now assess damages.

The defendant's name

Poops per day (that you deal with)

Minutes per incident (walk, wait, bag, regret)

What is your time worth? ($ per hour)

Your wage, or what you'd charge a stranger to do this. Because that's the job.

Poop supplies per month ($ — bags, wipes, therapy)

Years the defendant has been at it

The Court Rules

Share the ruling:

How damages are calculated

The actual math

Annual damages = (poops per day × minutes each × 365 ÷ 60 × your hourly worth) + supplies per year. Multiply by years of service and you get the judgment. The dog will not pay it. The dog has no money. The dog IS the money problem.

Can I collect?

Legally? No. Emotionally? Every single day. Present the certificate at dinner. Expect a tail wag as settlement.

← Run another dumb calculation