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Mom Food Tax
"I'm not hungry," they said, hovering over your plate like tiny, adorable vultures. Time for an audit.
The theft starts at birth. It has never once stopped.
Count the "just one fry" incidents honestly. There were never just one.
$0
Calc's Verdict
How the audit works
The actual math
Total stolen = items per sitting × kids × sittings per week × 52 weeks × years since birth, priced at a per-item street value (a fry is 12¢; a pizza slice is $2.50 — generous portions of your soul included free). The projection assumes the crime spree continues until age 18, because it will.
When do I present the invoice?
Their eighteenth birthday. Or their wedding. Whichever gets more applause.